“How do you feel confident in a change of definition for success?”
I recently got this question from the She Reaches Tribe. I wrote and rewrote what I wanted to say about this. While I’d love to give you some nicely summed up bullet points on this, the truth is more messy.
It takes time and you may never feel 100% confident.
Let’s back up a bit though. Three years ago, I changed my definition of success after achieving what I thought “success” was.
Instead of feeling on top of the world, I felt unhappy and unsatisfied. I wanted to jump off the train that was speeding ahead too fast in the wrong direction.
But after deciding I wanted something different, I didn’t immediately know what to do. It felt all too impossible to make changes.
I was resistant to change and I fully believed it was NOT possible for me.
At the same time, I suddenly felt like a square peg in a round hole in my life. I couldn’t unsee what I had seen.
As a result, I took an ice pick to my life and chipped away at it until it resembled something entirely different.
I had left a 12+ year job, left the career I’d built altogether, and moved my family to a new city 600 miles away.
I’d love to tell you that I immediately and consistently felt confident during that time. The reality is that I didn’t.
It was terrifying. I questioned myself a thousand times. I even wished I could unsee what I’d seen and go back to “normal” life as it was so exhausting to make these changes.
At the end of the day though, I knew I had to make the changes. I knew I had to at least try to create the life I wanted.
What if it was actually possible?!?
I didn’t want to regret not trying.
I still have moments where it’s hard. I still have moments where I don’t speak confidently to people about the changes I’ve made.
I cringe about it later and then I resolve to do a better job next time.
Over time though, it’s gotten easier. The more I’ve made decisions that line up with my own definition of success, the more confident I become as I create a life I can be proud of when I’m 90.
To the person who asked this question, I wish that for you too. I wish that you will make the decisions you need to make in order to feel proud yourself at the end of your life. The confidence will come.
If you’d like me to answer a question for you too, join me at the She Reaches Tribe.