Back in the fall I wrote a post about being 0 weeks pregnant. In that post, I mentioned that I would be recommitting to living in the present and trying to have more fun in general. I wrote that living in the present was perhaps the hardest thing I needed to work on, and boy was I right. While I have been making some progress, I realized over the holidays that I was stuck, and I was standing in my own way from actually living my life.
Our mind is a powerful thing and it took me a few months to realize the mind game that I was playing with myself. If I wanted to do something new, or purchase something new, I would justify not doing it because I may be pregnant soon. For example, I shouldn’t buy new jeans, because I may be pregnant and then they won’t fit. I shouldn’t make plans to try a new exercise class (silks!) because I may be pregnant and then would lose money by not attending the class. I shouldn’t consider taking on a new job or role, such as teaching a dance class, because I may be pregnant and then I would have to quit. I didn’t want to get caught up on some television series that I’m behind on (like Nashville!) because it would be good to do that during maternity leave. I shouldn’t start a neighborhood wine group because when I’m pregnant, I couldn’t drink. Everything I thought about doing would end with a reason for why I shouldn’t do it because I may be pregnant. I was failing at truly living in the moment, and I was doing it to myself.
Feeling stuck sucks. It’s a mix of being unmotivated and depressed. It isn’t me. But being aware of it is the first step towards change. So once I realized the mind game I was playing, I got through the holidays and now am on a mission to get out of my own way. To do that, I’m focusing on:
- Daily gratitude. There is so much to be thankful for!
- Meditation. I’m trying it add it at least a few times a week, and so far so good. I find myself craving the few minutes of peace and quiet every few days.
- Reaching out to others. I love bringing people together, connecting various groups of friends. That wasn’t something I’ve been doing, so it’s definitely on the list for 2016.
- Do what you want to do. I’ve also bought the jeans, signed up for the dance classes, am still considering a new job/role, and am watching what I want to watch (include Making a Murderer which I totally binged watched over 4 days).
It’s going to continue to be a journey. This path is going to have good days and bad days. And as long as I continue to get out of my own way, I should be OK.
Let’s lift each other up, today and everyday.